Never again. Never again do I want to work a full Thursday. It didn't use to be so bad...that is, before the extended hours. Oh what an extension they are....a horribly long 8 hour day EXTENDED to be an even more horribly long 10 hour day. Shoot me. If Tammy hadn't come in for 4 hours of it, I very well might have shot myself.
I tried to encourage myself that if I'm goign to earn all 3 available bonuses this month I'm going to have to work extra hours here and there. This was convincing, for about 2 hours. By 12 when I was already tired and looking at 8 more hours, I strongly considered crying. That pasted...bringing with it the undeniable urge to run away. That faded intot he resigned state of acceptance that yes, my life sucks today...but it has to end eventually.
My boss called today and "offered" for me to work next Saturday (I'm already working this one mind you, and Saturdays are not my day!). Umm, no thank you. I don't need hours. I work MORE than enough hours, thank you.
It would seem that my life as of late is dominated by work. I work 2 times a day most days. Occasionally taking a break to do the mundance chores and errands that occupy adult life. Trips to the bank, filling up my [and daddy's] cars with gas, doing other peoples grocery store rungs, and occasionally getting to spend the allotted money in my budget on various items to hopefully keep me content enough to keep working. This week that was a digital camera, an item I am quite excited about. It only took me a week to budget the money for it, which was nice. I love it already. I've taken about 50 pictures in the past 30 hours or so I've had it and I made about 7 videos of the kids last night when I discovered this was possible. Ah yes, should be fun.
Next purchase - a red coach purse that's on hold for me to buy Saturday or whenever I get around to it, 2 black tank tops at work that seem as though they'll go with just about everything in my closet, and hopefully some cute scarves to wear as headbands when I do my hippie hair. By hippie what I really mean is curly. I don't know why I contribute curly hair with scarf headbands with hippies?...but I do.
Oh yeah, I'm a jerk. Ha, I say this casually because over the years I've learned that you should be able to mock yourself if you are going to gracefully survive life. The problem thjis time is that despite the fact that I have to fight off being absolutely brutal in my honesty, I have a hard time turning guys down. I kind of beat around the bush as far as informing them that I do not have any intention of ever ever EVER going out with them. I always feel bad...like I'm going to squash their self confidence for years to come or something...
Exhibit A = a boy that asked me for my phone number 2 weeks or so ago. I was in a hurry to get what i needed and make it to work on time. Yeah, sure fine...I gave it to him. He proceeded to call me multiple times a day thereafter. Nice enough guy...cam eon a bit strong with the "I think you're SO beautiful!"'s. Blah blah blah we all know the drill there. You asked for my phone number before my name buddy, I know what you're looking for so don't insult my intelligence. I was not in fact born yesterday and am in fact well aware that despite your repeated attempts to tell me that you're into me because of my personality, that you could not possibly be as you asked for my phone number without actually talking to me Nice try.
I will take this time to clarify a few things. I have little respect for a boy who asks for my phone number before my name. If you are requesting it based solely on my looks than you are probably not in the market for the only kind of relationship that I could consider at this point in my hectic life. Also, when having a conversation I would greatly appreciate the boy I ma talking to looking me in the eyes...AKA: Quit staring at my boobs *insert crude name here*. Yeah buddy, way to show you're a winner! Also, let's be real here...I'm 19, I'm in college, I'm working 2 jobs all summer and then moving back to purdue...I'm not looking to settle down right now. I fyou're going to be controlling, take that ish elsewhere. I do not answer to anyone other than myself for every place I go and every person I'm around. Having a few phone conversations with me does not in fact entitle you to my whereabouts at every waking or sleeping hour of my day...nor is it appropriate for you to ask me my sexual history as if you're casually asking what books I've read.
If by chance, when you do ask me this ridiculous question months before you have a right to, and I respond nicely by telling you point blank that I'm waiting til marriage to have sex and this is all you need to know for now, I mean this. This is not negotiable. Nor is it a challenge of some sort. Waiting til marraige is a serious decision I made for myself. And no, I don't want you to tell me why being with you will change my mind. The correct answer is: Good for you. Move on. Also, "Do you do other stuff?" is a very bad and inappropriate follow up question. Clearly, you are not learning fast.
Hmm, what else is there to say? Ah, yes. Being a girl does not in fact mean that I'm constantly searching for *a relationship*. Some of us girls are not looking for such things at all. I'm still young, don't rush me. And I don't have a problem with going on dates with several people at one time, nor do I have a problem with a guy doing the same thing. Until I've figured out if you're even tolerable, I'm not going to hault all other "things" I've got going with other guys. Asking this of me, is irritating.
What I really wan ti sjust to have fun. I want to be able to "hang out" with a guy. Not have to be dressed up or go on a bunch of formal dates. Take me bowling with your friends, to the park to swing, for a drive just to chat. I don't need a bunch of gifts and I don't want you to spend gobs of money on me. Visit me at work, call my before I'm gogint to bed just to say goodnight...simple things go a long way. I'm the daughter of a football coach...take me mto see football movies or to watch your little brothers little league game. What I want is like a best friend...who I like, and maybe occasionally make out with! Ha.
I want to feel cute around a guy, even when I'm wearing a wifebeater and baseball cap. I mean, who really wants to look perfect all the time? Confession: Some days I don't wear makeup, or get dressed-dressed all day. I don't think physical appearance is important enough to spend hours and hours in my bathroom worrying about it. I just want to be me, and have that be enough. THAT my friends, is what I'm looking for.
--B | 
